The Light

It has been a long time since I have been touched by anything. Isolating myself in a dark corner busy with the rat-race of life, I failed to notice anything of the world. And down to this cold place came light in the form of a sparkle in a light-less eye and a confident and vivacious smile.

When I got a mailer asking for volunteers to transcribe blind children's' exams, I felt I had to participate. I am ashamed to say that it was only something that would look good on my resume or MBA admissions profile. I helped promote the event and publicize it, ensuring that the organizers get enough volunteers. But I was still stuck in that dark corner.

Things changed though the moment I visited that place - Devnar School for the Blind. I wrote one exam for a 6th grade kid and I fell in love. The easy smile and general happiness of these kids have made me feel both jealous and inspired. The surprising warmth I was shown by each and every kid I met in the school had my heart weeping with joy. The confidence with which these kids face their lives and the dreams they aspire to have increased my own resolve and passion in life.

Although I went there planning to participate in a single exam, I couldn't ignore the light now shining in my pitifully cold and isolated space. I was now exposed to the sea of things I could do for the school, the least of which was organize volunteers for more exams coming up.

It is unfortunate that our government does not provide for a separate syllabus and study direction for the visually challenged. They have to prove themselves at the same Mathematics and Science and learn the same lessons that even those children with all senses find difficult to relate to. What can these kids make of Geometry and Trigonometry when they have to feel every shape with their hands? What meaning does a "Litmus Test" have, when one can't even perceive color?

And to top it off, this particular school had very little monitory resources - they couldn't afford to hire trainers specialized in training the blind. They infrastructure was minimal and could improve a lot in terms of sanitation and hygiene. The school even houses kids abandoned by their parents and they have a tough time sufficiently providing for their food and clothing.

Despite all these difficulties, these kids face life with a smile. And they have dreams - one kid wants to be a playback singer, one wants to get into the IIMs and one wants to become as great a mathematician as Ramanujan.

I now see the difficulties these kids face as an opportunity for me to help. I have personally taken a resolve to spend my "birthday treat" money providing a feast for these kids instead of my friends who don't need it. I have also convinced my family to do the same. Maybe if enough people do that, all 365 days of the year will be provided for. I also want to spend whatever time I can with these kids, helping them with their studies and just being a friend to them - pass on whatever exposure I have to them. I want to carry the light that was handed to me.

Oh dear dear what a fool I was,
for nearness sake I pushed you afar.
cut to the quick, and quick to cut
you have gone deep, to a cold dark hell

Twice that I fell, to yearn to be near
Felled by your pain, and felled by your care
Care I confess to peep in your shell
Am I so sure that this is no hell..?

Are things Predetermined??

This is a topic that has always intrigued me. My friend and I have had a lot of discussions on whether or not there is something called Fate. Well, here are my thoughts..

My belief is somewhere in between "Fate" and "Choice".

I refuse to believe in a world that is entirely predetermined - then what is the purpose of living? Are we just programmed robots? Without choices to make, there is no freedom, no purpose and no sense to life. I like to believe that we have with us the power to decide where our own life goes. If something good happens, it would be because I put in the work or did the right things that made it possible. And at the same time if something bad happens, its because I have not done something right. Fate, destiny, god's will, etc are terms that are quite often used by people who do not want to take responsibility for their own actions.

On the other hand, how many choices we make are open-ended? Truly in our own control? We are not the only variable in every situation. Every choice we make has a lot of external factors. Even our thoughts aren't truly our own!

We are in a way programmed by the kind of psychology we have - which is a combination of our inherent nature (or genes if you like) and partly our experiences/environment. This in turn is dependent on the history of those who raised us and all those who ever interacted with us.

Extending this net from human interaction to human interaction, from generation to generation, my psychology is a product of the history of the whole universe! And so is the case for every individual on this earth, and little green men floating around in space out there.

Now, extending this concept to future, every situation, every personality and every thought would be driven by the same force of history. The choices we made and the people around us made in the past determines what happens now, and that determines what happens in the future. So in a way everything is pre-determined!

This makes me extremely uncomfortable, and squirm in my own seat.

Am I a programmed robot, designed and developed by the phenomenol force of history? Is it the same programming making me write this article? Scary..!!!

Yet, my indominable will and optimism surface. I refuse to hand over my destiny to anybody or anything, however abstract it is. So I found a loophole in history's control over my fate! With a tremendous force of will, I can change myself so drastically that none of my previous life has any relevance to me now.. so then I'll break the chain and start changing my destiny, make it what I want.. and changing my destiny, I can alter the destiny of the world..!!!